Lecture by Joseph Plazo:
The NLP approach to inter-personal communication is to use a somewhat different fashion with each person instead of use the one-size-fits-all strategy. This is because treating each person as an unique individual is at the core of NLP and because Connection in NLP is based on maximising the likenesses between us and playing down the differences..
Folks are automatically signalling to us how they want us to behave towards them. Fit those parts of a person’s body language they have least conscious knowledge of and you are on your way to creating excellent connection. (Although what you’re doing is out of their conscious awareness it is going to still enroll with them at a feeling amount that is subtle).
In creating Rapport matching doesn’t mean mimicking – if only because to do so would alarm the man, actively, to what you do. Matching means adapting your own behavior so it’s somewhat similar to the other individual’s.
Which behaviors do you match? Eye contact is a superior way to begin creating better rapport since few people have conscious knowledge of their private eye contact style. (Another exceptional way of creating connection is really to match how their voice is used by a person – their voice speed, volume, tempo, and rhythm, for instance).
Use Eye Contact to Enhance Rapport
(1) If few people use the rigid-stare: While speaking to people look at them for more than you might otherwise do. When you’re doing the listening give them quite kept up eye contact. (If, at first, you find this uncomfortable you can relieve your own tension by using head nods and by altering your expression and ‘Uh-huh’ sounds.)
(2) If they use Darting Glances: Giving them prolonged eye contact will be perceived as aggressive or even intimidating. By looking away more than embrace a somewhat similar fashion might be normal for you, especially when you are doing the speaking.
(3) If 2) use minimal eye contact: Make eye contact that is not as much that you may ordinarily do. Practising using peripheral vision to watch them.
(Incidentally, it is rather likely that these folks may also would rather maintain a bigger personal space zone so avoid going too close to them.)
NLP & Rapport
Connection, in NLP, isn’t only something that happens as an effect of folks of individuals being in tune with one another. It is something which can be created – very quickly and easily – even with people we don’t understand, with whom we do not have common interests, and even with folks with whom we disagree.
Matching a man’s eye contact style is one way of creating this rapport. And it’s simple because they are giving you a demo of how to do it! Just monitor the people and then fit their design.
NLP is a modelling procedure. Whether they have been’ scientifically validated’ we’ll use those behaviors which create satisfactory outcomes – and jettison the ones which don’t!
Fitting non-verbal behaviour works.
Do it subtly. It may feel a little odd – most behaviours that are new do – then revert to your normal fashion and so just use fitting in the first three or four minutes of a dialog.
Gradually, for you, it will become natural with practice and soon you will discover that you’re doing it without (actively) having to think about it – you’ll have reached unconscious competence.
…how did that electric goods salesman do? And I do not believe he got the sale, either. The customer said she’d think it over and left the store. Perhaps his customer came back again. Perhaps not. Me? I eventually got impatient and left the shop, also. It was not his day.
Activity Points for NLP Eye Contact
by Desiree Kane